This Week in Pictures

We have had a wonderful wonderful week! Sunday was Easter, and Soren was able to spend the day with me which is very much treasured. We went to church in the morning, then came back for dinner at my parent's house. Later we headed over to my (paternal) aunt's side and also had fun over there. I love Easter, it is probably my favorite holiday.

Also on Easter, we got the call that my brother's wife was in labor so we were all anxiously awaiting my nephew's arrival. Soren went back to his dad's on Sunday night, then my mom woke me up at 3am Monday and said it's baby time! We went to the hospital, which is such a fun experience! My mom and I occasionally listened outside the door, and it was such a thrilling and exciting time until the nurse shooed us away. Carter Jay was born at 10:34 weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 20.5 inches long. He is absolutely beautiful and so so loved! Soren isn't too interested in him at this point, but things will get more exciting in the future, I'm sure! I spent lots of time at the hospital because I couldn't get enough of his preciousness. He has brought so much joy into my life already!

We've been watching their dog Diesel, which Soren has been very fond of...

Soren had Speech and OT twice this week (as he normally does). I finally took some pictures of his OT. He LOVES speech and OT!!!

It's been raining consistently today, so I decided now would be a great time to go get some rain boots for Soren as he will need them for camping this Summer. He LOVED playing out in the rain today!

Almost 34 months!

Lots has been happening in our lovely little lives. Soren was recently evaluated for speech concerns and was found to have some moderate deficits in processing and pronunciation. I always thought he took forever/wouldn't respond to questions because he got distracted, didn't care, or was being shy...I had no idea that his little brain was processing the question and had difficulty working on developing a verbal response. A lot of times he will say "uh, uh, uh" as he's thinking and processing. Sometimes when he wants something he will say "Hey" because he doesn't have the verbal skills to say what he wants to say. He also has difficulty making deep throat sounds, such as "k" and "g", in addition to th-/ch- sounds. He has recently started twice weekly speech and it is amazing how much of a difference it has already made in just two weeks! He went from saying 1-2 word sentences to 3-5 word sentences in two weeks! We are working hard at home too, which I believe contributes to the quick learning. His Auntie works at his speech clinic, so it's fun to get to see her so much more now...he LOVES speech! During his speech evaluation, the therapist brought up some possible concerns with his fine motor skills and recommended he also be evaluated for occupational therapy services. He had his OT evaluation today and preliminary results show a mild deficit in fine motor and low-average in gross motor. She shared that he has great gross motor skills, but pockets of skills that he has not yet developed ( i.e. walking on tip toes, walking on a line with one foot in front of the other). She believes this is the root of his accident-prone history. She also voiced some concern with his motor planning (i.e. problem-solving and imitating), which aligns with his speech processing concerns. He will do 1-2 times weekly OT as well to help get him caught up. For a brief moment, my mommy heart hurt for him. Especially when the speech therapist voiced some risks of not working on it now, including isolating from social play and/or increased emotional dysregulation. But then I was proud that I stuck to my gut and had him evaluated...my hope is that he can catch up to peers by the time he starts Kindergarten. He loves it too, which helps ;-). It's melts my heart to see him so proud of himself when he works hard and accomplishes a new speech task!

2.5 Years Old

Wanted to give an update and share some pictures of what Soren and I have been up to.

Likes: LETTERS! Paint, play-doh, anything art, dancing and music, cars, playing in the snow, baths, ABC videos on youtube, playing with the dog, preschool, his monkeys, his blanket, his Nana, SuperWhy, "Nee-O" (Finding Nemo),

Dislikes: Waiting for food...when he wants it, he wants it that second, diaper changes, timeouts, using the potty :-(, when mom does not have her undivided attention on him,

Favorite foods: peas, carrots, cheese, crackers, "Tooties" aka Cookies (we also call granola bars "tooties"), Milk, "Smovee" (Smoothie), hot dogs, peanut butter, tacos, canned pear, oranges, waffles, scrambled eggs, yogurt, oatmeal, beans

Foods he dislikes: Deli meat, fish, strawberries, tortillas, hotdishes (except tator tot hotdish or stroganoff)

Development: At 18 months he knew all his letters, and 2.5 years old, he can write all the letters in his name (not in order yet), and other letters as well. He can't open doors yet, but that is on the horizon...we are greatly looking forward to him being able to let the dog out! We haven't tried scissors for awhile, we'll probably start working on this next. He loves jumping, twirling, dancing, running in circles. Last Summer he wasn't quite able to pedal his bike yet, I'm looking forward to trying again this Spring! He has begun to remember things that I say we are going to do; I found this out the hard way when I told him that we would go to the library after church Wednesday evening, but then ended up staying there longer and it was too close to his bedtime...mondo meltdown. He also remembers that the library has wooden letters which are his favorite things to play with. A couple months ago, he started engaging in more dramatic play, such as pretending to feed his monkeys and making eating sounds, or put them "Nu-night". He sleeps from 7:30/8pm-7:30am. He wakes up very rarely, usually due to a bad dream or terror. He is still in his crib because he hasn't tried to crawl out yet...I'm holding on as long as possible on that one. His speech is still behind, but he has come leaps and bounds in the last 6 months. He struggles with putting words together to make sentences and pronunciation. He is more interested in peers, but continues to mostly do parallel play. He

Things I want to remember: As soon as music comes on, he "dances his arms" and begins twirling. He is super cuddly and will randomly come up to hug and/or kiss me. His first 5-word sentence was "I want momma up please" when we were cuddling in bed in the morning and he wanted to be done. He gets super excited to hug his cousin Astrid or the dog and literally shakes and clenches his jaw to try and regulate/contain his excitement right prior to hugging. He sometimes gets shy in public but will make flirting gestures with his eyes and point to his cheeks.

Life as a single mom latley

It has been so long since I have blogged, I don't even know where to begin. There are many updates to be done about all the cool (albeit sometimes naughty) things Soren is doing and so many fun pictures to add. But right now, what brings me back to this space is a need to express myself and my current experience as a single mom. I got into blogging initially because of the need for an outlet to express my highs and lows of life as a graduate student, social worker, and infertility warrior, and today, that is what brings me back.

Folks, I am exhausted. I know every parent finds themselves in a place of exhaustion frequently, so I may sound like a broken record. What I do know, is that right now, I feel spent. Done. Want to sleep for a long long time.

I am tired of having to "share" my child with someone who often makes my blood boil (though much less than in the past), even though I know my child needs his dad as much as he needs his mom. I am tired of having to compromise at every turn. I am tired of keeping my cool to be the best co-parent I can, even when all I want to do is yell some choice words to say how I really feel. I am tired of having to tell Soren on Fridays at preschool drop-off that I won't see him until Monday; it makes me tired thinking about when he will start to actually realize what this means and the challenges this will face in the near future. I am tired of feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt about how I spend the little time that I do have with him. I am tired of having to juggle working extra to advance in my career while knowing I am sacrificing the little time I do have with Soren. I am tired of constantly analyzing if I'm oversensitive, not sensitive enough, overindulgent, or too strict. I am tired of worrying about the future and what it holds as our divorce proceedings occur.

I didn't envision this, I didn't ask for this. It has been one year and one week since he left, and as much as I have grown and spread my wings, lately I want to retreat. I am exhausted.

Long-Overdue Update

It has been so long since I last blogged! Uffda! Soren and I have been keeping busy with preschool, work, and Summer fun! He has grown so much both in height and development, it's crazy fun to watch him learn  new things. He knows all but 4 letters of the alphabet and is almost able to spell his name, right now he says "S-O-R". He loves exploring in the backyard, swimming, and bubbles. He is starting to say some 2-word phrases, such as "Want more" and "Mama, Up". He is such a happy, easygoing kid, I am so thankful for this! He loves his preschool and during the Summer he goes to "camp" at his preschool. I send lunches on days that he goes so this has been a new adventure for both of us; so far little cottage cheese cups and crackers have been a hit.

As far as updates for me, I'm still trucking along, one foot in front of the other. I've been picking up alot of shifts at work this Summer so I haven't had as many free days with Soren as I would like. I've been busy with clinical supervision and am half-way done now! I should be done in October 2014 then can sit for my exam. I imagine our lives will change quite a bit once I get the clinical licensure. I plan to try and find a full-time weekday therapy job at that point and hopefully will be at a point financially that I would start looking at buying a home/townhome. These are really big plans that ride on alot of "What-ifs", and this last year has definitely been an exercise in living for today and not focusing on the future as things can change so quickly.

Soren had professional pictures done again this year with Tami Tripp photography. They turned out AMAZING, I'm so so happy I took the splurge! My plan is do this once a year until he starts Kindergarten.

Next will be his 2-year update!!! Gahh, he's growing too fast!!!