Weaning

We're closing in on the last of our breastfeeding days and I am so very very sad. Soren's not ready to be done, and I'm not either. Unfortunately, my body seems to think otherwise. Because of the increasing demands at work and the inability to pump, my supply has dropped drastically. I could take all sorts of measures to increase my supply, but it would only be a band-aid fix to the larger issue of a hectic work schedule. Our other issue is that Soren is only taking 2 bottles during the day of 3-4 oz. now that he's eating many more solids. He's still nursing a ton at night but it's getting to be more and more as a pacifying measure than a feeding measure. It breaks my heart when he tries to nurse during the day and gets frustrated because there's not much that comes out. It also hurts because he clamps down and pulls as a last-ditch effort to get some milk. This breaks my heart, I'm so not ready for this. The closeness and the bond it has brought us is nothing short of amazing.

7 months!

Eating: Soren continues to do well with eating solids. We currently rotate peas, green beans, yams, butternut squash, carrots, apples, bananas, and avocados. He now eats after his second nap in the afternoon. He's wanting to eat around 2 oz. of food and 2 oz. of oatmeal cereal now, and I'm noticing he's wanting bottles less frequently. My guess is that he's taking in between 20-25 oz. in bottles a day. He's taking in Breastmilk and Formula about 50/50. He does still nurse at night, so he's getting more then too. We have also started giving him some teething biscuits and Gerber 'puffs' and Baby Mum-Mums...he likes the Earth's Best organic wheat teething biscuits the most.

Sleeping: Just when I think his sleep is starting to regulate, it changes again. However, on our *good* nights, he sleeps from 8pm-4ish, then is up either once or twice after that. He is starting to regularly get an 8-hour stretch at night, which is nice. We are definitely seeing some improvements. He usually gets a bottle/nurses before naps, then we put him down in his crib in a tired state, and he can put himself to sleep. If we try to rock him to sleep, he fights it, so we're just laying him down in his crib now. I've found that if I lay him on his side, and place my hands on his front and back, it helps him to relax and get sleepy... I think it's our new 'trick'. If he wakes up before 3am, I will put his paci back in his mouth, but I will not nurse him. At his 4ish awake time, I do nurse him, thought it's only for about 3-5 mins. before he falls back asleep. His naps still only last for 45 mins., but I think that's just how he is.

Development: Soren sits like a rock-star, is even beginning to go from a sitting position down onto his tummy! He also barrel rolls now and can make some distance. Just the other day I found him very close to putting a pen cap into his mouth...gahhh we need to baby proof! Soren's fine motor is continuing to develop well, he's working on his pincer grasp right now, but I imagine it might be a little bit before he masters this skill. Soren continues to be a very social baby, and we really haven't had any stranger anxiety yet. I work hard on taking him many different places and allowing others to hold him often, so I think this has helped. He loves smiling, giggling, and 'jumping' when you hold him. He also is becoming quite the squirmer during diaper changes. He's a very busy little guy! Soren still does not have any teeth, but during his aspirating test, xrays showed 8 teeth near the surface...I think we're in for some big trouble here soon! Soren has also moved up to a convertible car seat, and I think he much prefers this as he can see more around him. It doesn't look as comfortable to sleep in, but he's managing.

Likes: Soren loves playing 'tickle time', and really any kind of one-on-one interactions. His favorite toy is probably a set of plastic toy 'keys'. Soren loves food, pretty much any kind of food you give him. Soren loves being active, rolling, jumping, 'flying' (laying on his stomach and putting his arms out and his legs up off ground), and bath time. Soren also likes stuffed animals and tries to eat them. He LOVES playing with his feet and also tries to eat them ;-). Soren wakes up so happy and we can hear him cooing and squealing, and when we go get him out of his crib he gives us the BIGGEST smile ever, melts.my.heart!

Dislikes: Getting his diaper changed (there's too much to look at and do!), getting strapped into his car seat, and stopping in the middle of a feeding. He is a great baby, there's not much that bothers him.

Medical update: Soren had a re-check for his aspiration and reflux this week...it was pretty traumatic for both of us. The first test he was put in a car seat type thing, then they fed him a barium solution and took x-rays while he was swallowing to check to see if it was going down his airways... Soren didn't like the taste of the barium and wouldn't drink it so results were inconclusive on that. The second test they had to strap him a board and put a tube down his nose, then put barium down the tube to check his upper anatomy and reflux. The test showed no reflux, however after the test, he spit up a ton, which the tech. responded 'well there's the reflux we were looking for'. So yeah...probably still has it. He is growing normally now and *knock on wood* has not gotten sick, so we are very thankful of that! The plan is to keep him on his Prevacid solu-tabs and Pulmicort nebulizer until the Summer once cold season has gone away. (Side note: Apparently the makers of the generic Prevacid solu-tabs are discontinuing production, so the only option for solu-tabs are the actual Prevacid. Target stores are having difficulty keeping them in stock, but we were able to get ours at Wal-mart).

Anger & Resentment

Prior to starting my job, Soren would get 1 bottle of formula a day, and the rest I was able to nurse/breastmilk bottle feed. Since starting my job, my supply has decreased terribly. I am now only able to do about 1/2 of his feeds with breastmilk, and this makes me so angry and resentful towards work. I know all jobs are stressful, but my position is insane, I don't even have time to take lunch breaks in order to get all my work done, heck, even finding time to go to the bathroom is difficult! I pump once at work, which gives me 2- 6 hour spans, and am only pumping 3 oz. This last weekend, I only pumped one bottle worth for the next day. I have every right to take my times to pump during the day, but finding the space is an issue. Every day I run around the building, wasting time, trying to find a space to pump. It's stressful, it's losing out on precious time to work, and it's aggravating when I can't find a place. I've even begun to notice that at night times I'm running out of milk and Soren gets fussy because he's not getting much (granted he shouldn't need to eat several times at night anyways). My goal was to make it to at least 1 year, and do baby-led weaning. I'm SO not ready to say goodbye to bf'ing, my heart breaks just thinking about it. I'm going to start back up my supplements 3 times a day, but I know that if I can't keep up with the pumping at work, it will be useless. For many people, formula is no big deal, but for me it just doesn't feel 'right'. Nursing is our special time together, I feel angry that work is (in a round-about way) taking that away.

Things Lately

Lots has been going on around here this week and I've been too busy to sit and write until now. On Monday I started my job orientation, and have been doing that every day this week. I've been doing considerably well, although I did have teary moment on Sunday and last night. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything, making new routines, and remembering everything. I have temporarily lost many things this week, including my name badge on only the third day! Luckily it was recovered at church. I think the change in routine has somewhat been affecting Soren, though not in any terrible way. The first day he wouldn't take a nap for daddy until the late afternoon while in the grocery store...Brian said he had a sad, sullen, defeated look on his face while shopping then finally fell asleep. He's been going to bed around 9:30-10 and every morning this week has woken up at 6:00 to eat! I need to get up around 6:15-6:30 so this has been working out perfectly. After he wakes up to eat, I bring him into our bed and nurse him, then keep him laying in our bed after he dozes off again and I get up and get ready. Then he wakes up again from 7-7:30 and Brian gives him a small bottle and he'll go back down until 9-9:30. It's working out pretty slick, I hope it stays that way. He's my little alarm clock, and I LOVE being able to nurse and cuddle him for a little bit before I have to go to work.

When I leave in the morning, I wear my pumping bra and pump in the car on the way to work. Sounds crazy I know, but no one would ever really know and it's a nice, efficient way to use my 45-minute drive time. While at work I pump once during my lunch break, then after work I will either feed him or pump right away. Not gonna lie, the girls are a hurting unit waiting that long, but it's what's feasible right now. It's a pain in the arse to pump, remember the parts, cut my lunch break short, but it also feels good knowing I'm providing for him even when we're apart.

Brian has been a rock star, despite a bit of a jump-in-head-first approach. It's been a new learning and adjustment period for us all. It's not easy giving up sole care and control of Soren but he's been handling it well and I have become more flexible and supportive. I honestly think working part-time is going to make me a better mother. Before I started, we just went about our routine; now I love coming home and squeezing and cuddling him, and playing whenever we get the chance. I love how he gets a HUGE smile when I get home. I also am starting to really enjoy nursing more...like I said, before it was just part of our routine, but now I am really cherishing that closeness I feel with him... I think he likes it too as it's often one of the first things he wants to do when I get home ;-). It sure beats pumping, that's for sure!

Well, I think that's it for now, I need to hit the sack but I'll update more this weekend. We managed to take some Christmas pics, so I need to design our cards here soon and find the time to mail them out...eeek!

Breastfeeding & Reflux Updates

I feel like it's been awhile since I updated on how our breastfeeding adventures are going. Looking back, getting started was a little overwhelming, especially given his weight drop and reflux/aspiration issues. Once we got over that initial bump, things started going much more smoothly. I can't say he is exclusively breastfed due to his night-time thickened formula feed, but I can say that we do our best to nurse for all the other feedings. Sometimes, formula is more convenient. However, it's only more convenient if I hadn't planned ahead. Now I stocked up my parent's freezer with some frozen BM so that whenever we are over there, we only have to run the bag under some hot running water. It takes probably 3 mins. longer to get it ready, but if we can distract him it's really not a big deal. While at my parent's we only do bottles if it seems like my supply is running low. He will continue to pull off and go back on but gets frustrated, and I can feel my breasts are not full. I really need to drink more water, I think that is my main issue. Whenever I sense a drop in my supply I just take my Mother's Milk Special Blend capsules for a few days and my supply jumps back up. Since Soren is going to bed around 9:30, and I don't hit the sack until midnight, I always pump before going to bed. I will usually get anywhere from 4-7oz., so I will have a bottle's worth of BM in the fridge for the next couple of days if we are going anywhere. I also feel like I have gotten much more comfortable nursing in public when I need to. Overall, things have been going well for us and I think it's because I kept putting in the extra effort to make sure that we succeed. It definitely is easy to just say 'forget about it' and take the formula route, but I'm sure glad I kept fighting and seeking help and support whenever I needed it.

Currently Soren nurses less often in the morning and does alot of feeding in the late afternoon/evening, I'm guessing it's what also helps him sleep longer stretches at night. When he wakes up after his long stretch at night (usually between 4-6am), he'll nurse for a little bit in bed with me then go back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. After he wakes up from that he keeps nursing for a bit, then back to sleep, every hour. I usually can get him to sleep a little longer in the morning when we do that for my own sanity, but soon that will be put to halt.

We are entering a couple new stages simultaneously in our breastfeeding adventures now which will make things more interesting. Soren is exhibiting alot of 'teething behavior' as the pediatrician likes to call it. Just 2 days ago he's been starting to bite down on my nipple at the end of a feeding, and it hurts in big ways. He doesn't have teeth yet, but it still makes me jump. Tonight I broke his latch when he did it and spoke firmly to him saying "no biting momma"...and he smiled and laughed. Little stinker! I have no idea how to break him of this habit, I can't imagine how bad it will hurt once he does get teeth! I notice he'll only do it towards the end of a feeding so maybe once he's starting to get 'bored'.

In a little over month we will be starting solids with him which will definitely be changing up his eating schedule. In the beginning he's more-or-less just learning how to eat from a spoon and it's not necessarily for nutritional purposes. We've already given him little licks of my mom's homemade (unsweetened) applesauce and let him gum the tip of a banana. He definitely is becoming more interested in food and when he sees people eating food he watches with curiosity. I think he's going to be a great little eater once he does start!

Also, now that I will be returning to work, I will need to somehow fit pumping sessions into my work schedule. I have talked to the HR rep. and she said there's many private meeting rooms that I could use and that other employees have needed to pump during the work day as well. She seemed supportive of it, hopefully I'll get a similar response from my co-workers. I am hoping I can get by with 2 pumping sessions during an 8-hour workday. I'm really going to need to implement taking in lots of water during my workday and will probably start the Mother's Milk Special Blend capsules as well to ensure that I am pumping enough so he has enough to eat the next day. One thing we *MAY* try implementing is what's called 'reverse-cycling', where he basically eats little during the day, but then power feeds in the evening and at night while we're together. Some babies do this naturally because they prefer breastfeeding over a bottle. We'll see how things go, I'm not necessarily going to push it because the thought of him not eating when he wants to breaks my heart.

As far as the reflux goes, I think we may have turned the corner. I'm not sure whether it's due to his medicine staying down now with his thickened feed, he's growing out of it, or my elimination of caffeine (most days, there is still occasional intake here-and-there). He does still spit-up but nothing like he used to. I also have become smarter and know when to expect now too. In the morning it's usually worse because he's been feeding laying down in bed with me. After he's been laying down any time during the day, and you pick him up, I usually am prepared. Also after a longer nursing session I expect it. But then there's the occasional time he'll catch me off guard like when I got home from running an errand and daddy handed him to me and as I went to kiss him he spewed all over my chin and down my chest and stomach. Many times he laughs afterwards, so I can't help but smile, find a burp rag and wipe myself off, and change my clothes if needed.

Soren is still occasionally aspirating, but most of the time it's only when he's nursing. I have a forceful let-down and I think it gets difficult for him to handle it. He'll pull off and cough (meanwhile I am probably spraying him in the face), gain his composure, then hop right back on. I'm glad we are continuing with his nebulizer since he is still aspirating. *Knock on wood* he hasn't been sick yet, hopefully we can continue to keep him healthy through the Winter.

Well I think that's it for now, I'll be sure to update as we start our new changes. Let me know if you have any questions or tips!

4 Months Old!

Soren turned 4 months old this past weekend, and he is beginning to look like such a little boy!

Today at his 4 month appt., he weighed 13lbs. even and was 24.5 inches long. He is still in the 10th% for weight, but the pediatrician is very happy with his numbers as he is staying on his growth curve.

Soren's eating schedule is not so consistent anymore. He's starting to use nursing as a soother, so sometimes he wants to nurse at 30 min. increments for just a short time, and other times he can go a long time without nursing. It's frustrating, but at the same time, I am his safety and security, and there's nothing wrong with that. He also is starting to want to nurse to fall asleep. This last week we went to a nursing mother's group and the lactation consultant reminded us that babies nurse for many different reasons, not just for eating. That made me feel better about his nursing habits as of lately. I just wish there wasn't such a stigma attached to nursing.

I have started giving Soren a 4 oz. thickened formula bottle at bedtime to help keep his medicine down and also keep his belly full for a longer night stretch. He seems to be tolerating it much better now and it doesn't seem to be backing up his bowels like it did before. Sometimes giving a formula bottle is more convenient (in the car, at a restaurant), but I really need to start nipping this in the butt. I have plenty of breast milk, that's what he needs to be eating. It will just take a little bit more planning on my part. I think I need to buy a car bottle warmer, and also another bottle warmer to have at my parent's house.

A few weeks ago, Soren began sleeping for 5-6 hour stretches at night in his crib, and it was glorious! Then we went down to visit family in IA, and his whole routine got thrown off and when we came back, he was up every. 2. hours, just like a newborn. That's when I decided to try the thickened bottles. Since then, he has been back to sleeping for a 4-6 hour stretch at night. Once he wakes up, I bring him to our bed and nurse him off and on for the remainder of the night. Co-sleeping is beginning to get more difficult as I wake up with an achy, sore back from not moving at all out of fear of rolling on him. He is also getting heavier too, so when he lays on my arm I also often wake with a numb arm. I'm not sure where we will go from here, whether I will try to nurse him in his room then put him back in his crib or what we will do. I do know that our morning cuddles are precious and I love them. Soren is also now starting to be able to fall asleep in his crib on his own. I do rock him a bit before laying him in there, but then he will just fall back to sleep on his own. He's doing great in the sleep department, and I think it's because we followed his lead. We will continue to try new things as I feel that he is ready, but if he's not, that's okay.

Soren's reflux is still a PIA. I sure love this baby stage, but I will NOT miss the constant spitting up. I think the Prevacid helps to make him feel more comfortable, but it does not decrease the frequency or volume of his spit-up. I have even tried cutting out caffeine but it doesn't seem to consistently be helping. When I spoke with his pediatrician today, she said caffeine in moderation is fine, but lots of caffeine can worsen it. Most days I drank caffeine in moderation, so who knows. I'm just starting to get really irritated about it, especially when he does it out in public, and it gets all over the floor, furniture, etc. It's exhausting. His pediatrician said it will also get worse now since he is scrunching, rolling, sitting, etc. which all can put pressure on his stomach. Once he begins standing and walking more, it should get better.

Soren is now standing straight when you hold his hands which seems to enjoy. He also can sit up straight when you put him in a sitting position, but he's not quite ready to sit on his own. When laying on his tummy, he pushes his head and chest up using his arms, can hold the position for quite some time! He's beginning to try rolling from his back to his side. Just this last week we put him in his jumperoo, and he started reaching for the toys and tries to manipulate them. His hands are still in a semi-clutched position when he does this, but he loves feeling them now. Soren is also getting very 'grabby' with his hands. Yesterday he grabbed my friend's necklace, and he is often grabbing our hands tries bringing them to his mouth. His hands are in his mouth constantly now, and he is starting to drool, indicating 'teething behavior' as the pediatrician calls it. Usually he will put 2-3 fingers in his mouth and go to town. He also loves sucking on my knuckles and sides of my fingers. He's not-so-much a fan of putting toys in his mouth yet, but I'm sure that is just around the corner.

Soren is becoming more fearful of strangers and loud noises. I am able to comfort him if he becomes scared, which feels pretty special for me. He is also doing alot of sad-laughing lately where he laughs and coos, but also starts to pout...it's kinda funny actually. He used to love his car seat, but since this weekend, he's not liking getting put in his car seat... I wonder if it's because he is getting more curious about his environment and feels trapped in it. He does still do well on car rides though, so that helps considering the many trips to IA we take. Soren is 'talking' much more now, using many different sounds and pitches. On occasion he will even match our pitches we give him. He is beginning to squeal and giggle now too.

Soren is wearing 3-6 month clothes, and I have officially packed away all of his 0-3 month clothes :-(. It's so hard to pack them away, not knowing if we will ever use them again (another blog post for another day), and also knowing he will never wear them again. We are needing to go and buy more 3-6 and 6-9 month clothing because he doesn't have enough...especially when we're averaging 5 outfits a day from the reflux. His precious newborn bear hat is starting to get too small on him, so I'm thinking about ordering another to have for the Winter. He is also still wearing his one-size (fits all) cloth diapers, and fuzzibunz perfect size smalls. We just received a free itti bitti d'lish in a medium and that seems to fit him very well too.

We've been pretty busy this month visiting grandma & grandpa Johnson for 4 days, and also this past weekend we visited my friends for the weekend. We also just signed up for a YMCA membership, so hopefully we'll start getting him into the pool and used to the water. At 6 months we can start him in parent-child swim lessons.

I have to say, I really love this age. I love the interactions we get to have with him, and I love all the new things he's learning.

I'll try and post videos later.

3 Months Old!

Soren was 3 months old on Wednesday! A week ago he weighed 10 lbs. 12 oz. at the lactation consultant's office, and a few weeks ago he was 24 inches long. He's really starting to fill out now, and has gained thigh, arm, and wrist baby fat rolls...they're too cute for words! This last month Soren has changed quite a bit in his development and characteristics, I really love this age!

Soren is still eating every 2 hours during the day. He almost always nurses, but usually once a day he'll receive a bottle and will take 4 oz. At night he'll usually do a 5 hour stretch, then will eat every 2 hours.

Soren's reflux seems to be improving a bit, we're having less projectile activity which is nice. We're definitely still dealing with lots of spit-up but based on his great weight gain, we just wait until he'll outgrow it. He is still taking Prevacid solu-tabs once a night and doing the Pulmicort nebulizer to keep his airways calm in hopes of reducing his chance of getting sick. Soren's pediatrician has been working hard on getting him qualified for the Synagis RSV vaccine, and he's been approved! A children's home health care nurse will come out to our home once a month from November-March and administer the Intramuscular vaccine. I pray that we can keep him out of the hospital and healthy this Winter...it breaks my heart just thinking about the possibility :-(.

This last month has been a little bit more low-key for us. Soren, my mom, and I went camping for a weekend mid-September, and had a great time! Soren was also baptized this last Sunday, and we had a great celebration with family and friends! I will include more details in a separate post. I have also been working hard at applying for social work jobs, hopefully I'll be able to find one soon.

One big thing we've been working on lately is starting to get him used to his crib. I'm not ready to have him sleep in there all night yet, but I do want him to start getting used to it for when the time comes to transition him. We've started to incorporate crib time into our nightly routine. Currently, around 9pm, I'll give Soren a bath, get him dressed, sit in the glider in his room and give him his meds., do his nebulizer, and read him a book. I try laying him down in his crib and cross my fingers that he'll fall asleep/stay asleep but that has only happened once so far. What HAS been working is holding him in the living room after his routine, and wait until he's in a deep sleep, then put him in his crib. One night this week he went 3 hours without waking up, but usually he'll go an hour in his crib before waking up. I try to go back in there and put his paci in his mouth, but he doesn't fall back to sleep... it's almost like he needs to be held or in his swing to fall asleep. I'm not sure how to break this, he's been like this since the day he was born. I'm definitely not one to let him cry it out, so hopefully when he gets older he'll be able to just fall asleep on his own.

Soren is becoming much more vocal and alert now. He squeals, coos, and today he made a 'ma' sound for the first time...momma secretly hopes his first word is 'mama' ;-). He has also learned how to make a pouty face, curled bottom lip and all! Soren is becoming more content under his playmat as he enjoys looking at all the colors and toys. Also, we have mirrors in our cars so we can see him in our rearview mirrors, and he loves looking at himself in his mirror. He's not a smiley baby all the time, he likes to do things on his own terms ;-). He does have more alert, happy periods during the day when he will interact with us a lot.

Soren is often sucking on his fist now, I'm pretty sure he'll be a thumb-sucker once he figures out how to get it in there. His fists are still mostly clenched, but occasionally he'll open up his hands and grasp my finger. He does not hold onto toys yet, but I have a feeling that's just around the corner. Also, Soren can tolerate tummy time for just a bit longer now, but he still hates it. He kicks his legs a bunch so he will kinda move around but has yet to roll over (except that one fluke time when he was 6 weeks). Because his reflux seems to be improving, he enjoys laying on his back more, and will kick his feet non-stop.When holding Soren, I can usually sit him upright on my lap, bracing him with one hand on his tummy and one on his back (or side-to-side), and he will sit up straight and balance his head. Today I bought a jumperoo for him, which he's still too little for, but he did okay just sitting back in it without tipping.

This week I have started to read to him at bedtime, and he really seems to enjoy it. Also, him and daddy have lots of fun time together talking, singing, and playing on the playmat. When I (finally) get him to sleep at night, Soren will instantly wake up when he hears daddy's voice when he gets home from work. It is kinda sweet, not gonna lie :-).

Soren is just starting to grow out of his 0-3 month clothes, and is starting to wear some of his 3-6 month clothes. He is wearing one-size and Fuzzibunz perfect size small cloth diapers. Currently, our favorite cloth diapers are Fuzzibunz Perfect size smalls and Softbums. At night we add a Hemp babies doubler to his diapers because he pees a lot! We sure do love cloth-diapering, let me know if you have any questions about them!

Well, that's all I can remember for now, toota-lou

2 Months!

At Soren's 2-month check up approximately 2 weeks ago, he weight 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 22 inches long; he is not currently on the charts for his age, and is on the very low end for his gestational age. I'm definitely noticing that he's beginning to feel heavier, I'm guess he weighs around 9 lbs. now.

Like clockwork, Soren eats every 2 hours during the day. He eats at 7:30am or so, then 10:30, then every 2 hours. At his 10:30 feeding he receives a bottle of breastmilk with his Zantac in it, because he HATES the taste of it alone...it smells nasty, I don't blame him. When he gets a bottle, he usually eats 3 oz., sometimes more. It's hard to remember his eating times at night, usually I think he eats every 3-4 hours. Since he has better head control, we have almost mastered nursing while laying down in bed which makes things alot easier for me as I can doze off. His reflux seems to be less worse at night too, maybe due to the slower milk flow while laying down. Nursing is going fantastic, and I have trippled my milk output when pumping, thanks to the Motherlove More Milk Special Blend capsules. Before I could *maybe* pump 2 oz. at each pump session, now I am pumping 5-6 oz. This helps tremendously so that I can start storing milk once I return to the working world. The recommended dosage for me was 2 pills 3 times daily, however I only take it twice daily and it is plenty, I may even back off a little bit as I become engorged and worry about getting a plugged duct.

Soren sleeps very soundly when cuddled up next to me, however if he is in his rock n' play sleeper or anywhere else he grunts, moans, and sighs often and doesn't seem to be in a deep sleep. He is a light sleeper (just like me), and is having more difficulty falling asleep in unfamiliar places if he's not being held; he's becoming more aware and interested in his environment, so there's too many cool things to look at.

He eats right around 11:00pm, so before his feeding I always do a bath, get him dressed, give him his Prevacid tablet, nurse him, then do his nebulizer. If he seems tired (more often than not), I will rock him in the rocking chair in his room, then place him in his bouncer which is in his crib once he's asleep. After this, I usually wash all the bottles, breastshields, etc. for the day, then enjoy some peace and quiet on my computer and my husband's company as he gets home from work around 11:30 :-)

This month Soren is becoming a bit more fussy than last month, and more vocal when he's upset. If I try and burp him during a nursing/bottle feeding, he will go from 0 to 100 and scream because he wants to keep eating; as soon as I get him in position to eat again, he instantly stops. Not gonna lie, he's kinda dramatic (like daddy ;-). He is also now getting fussy when he's tired and usually requires some consoling and snuggles to fall asleep. I'm pretty good at figuring out when he's hungry or tired, so that always helps.

Soren has just now grown out of his newborn clothes, and is starting to wear his 0-3 month clothes. Sadly, most of our 0-3 month clothes are Summer clothes (would have been fine if he grew normally), so we are having to go out and buy a bunch of warmer clothes...shopping for my little man...shucks ;-). He has also outgrown his newborn cloth diapers, and can now fit in his one-size diapers that will last him through potty-training! This was a fun milestone as we get to start using all of our cute 'cadillac' diapers as I like to call them.

Soren has been developing so quickly, it's so much fun to wake up every morning and wonder if he's going to do something new that day. He is now great at visually focusing on objects and following them with his eyes. His hands are starting to come out of the fist stage and are opening and more relaxed. The best part this month is that he is now smiling and cooing! He will coo with daddy or I and if we coo in response, he will coo back! Soren's head control is phenomenal, it won't be long before we can put him in his Bumbo. He is a very strong boy, and can push his body with his feet as if he were standing up when you're holding him upright... he usually only does this when he's mad though ;-).

It appears that his eyes are turning brown, and from any angle but straight on, they look brown. His hair is growing and appears to be strawberry-blonde and curly, like me. He has very long reddish eyelashes and blonde eyebrows, also like me. He's starting to get baby fat rolls on his wrists, elbows, and thighs, and it's just too cute for words! Because he has been growing, I had to move his carseat straps up to the next hole.

Soren now seems to like taking baths with mommy so he can be immersed in the water. He also is now really liking his swing and floor mat as he is more interested in his surroundings. He has a tendency to stare for hours at any kind of light. He still loves being swaddled, especially with the Aden & Anais Muslin swaddle blankets. He also seems to really like his car seat and car rides, usually falling asleep, and will stay asleep even after the car rides. Soren really likes to eat, he doesn't care if it comes from the booby or the bottle, formula or breastmilk, he just likes to eat. Unfortunately, I often need to cut him off otherwise he would spit-up much more because his stomach would get upset. He also still LOVES his paci; we would be S.O.L. if we ever left the house without it! One thing I'd like to remember about him is he always does fun things with his hands when he's sleeping. I'll post more pictures later, but check this out:


Soren continues to HATE getting his diaper and/or clothes changed, but will instantly calm down once picked up and cuddled. He does not like it when you take food away shortly into eating to burp him. He does not like it when his reflux gets bad after eating and he can feel it gurgle up; he grunts and then wails with tears as it seems to hurt him. He also does not like his Vitamin D or Zantac drops...they smell nasty. He also does not like laying on his back or his tummy, and if he tolerates it, it's not for long. I believe it worsens his reflux and gets uncomfortable for him.

This last month we have been very busy attending a wedding, going camping, visiting friends, and going over to MorMor & Papa's house several evenings during the week. Luckily, he's pretty chill letting whomever hold him (for now anyways), so lots of people have gotten to experience the preciousness of Soren. Unfortunately, this will be short-lived as we soon head into RSV season and need to protect him.

I think that's it that my fuzzy momma brain can remember. Without further ado, here are some of his 2 month pictures I took:

Soren feeding updates

It's been awhile since I have updated on Soren's growth, feeding, and medical issues. I wanted to save growth and development for his 2 month post on September 5th, but thought I would do a separate post updating on feeding and medical issues. I could probably write a book on Soren's feeding protocols; every chapter would be a new week and a new protocol, as it seems this is how things have been going. When Soren was first diagnosed with reflux and aspiration, our pediatrician said we could continue to breastfeed but if we ever needed to give him a bottle, it would need to be thickened formula. A couple weeks later (I think, *scratches head*), he hadn't been gaining weight fast enough so his pediatrician wanted us to alternate feedings between breastfeeding and thickened formula. This feeding regimen brought all sorts of issues. Soren was getting very constipated and would grunt and try to push, turning red and scream. We were getting very little sleep at night because he would be up grunting all night trying to have a BM. As recommended by his ped., we tried giving him a little bit of pear juice, rectal stimulation, and leg exercises, but none of this worked. Eventually I had to resort to giving him Miralax. This worked however, the constipation would act up again. I also noticed a large drop in my milk supply. Giving thickened bottles just didn't feel right for me as I continued to watch my son be in pain. So I went against pediatrician orders and went back to exclusively nursing him. After I did this he had an appt. a week later and had gained lots of weight, so I was really excited! I confessed to the pediatrician that we switched back to exclusively nursing and she said "Good for you, I'm glad!". She said we could 'go back' to exclusively nursing and if he needed a bottle it would need to be thickened formula. I also started to take Fenugreek 3 times a day and my milk supply seemed to get better.

That week I also visited the lactation consultant at the hospital where I delivered and we were discussing his reflux and aspiration problems. She had mentioned that the Dr. Browns bottles seem to flow slower than the Avent ones we were using. Though she never encouraged me to try switching bottles and putting breastmilk in them against his pediatrician's orders, it sparked curiosity in me. I started doing some research on the Dr. Browns bottles, and discovered they made a preemie nipple that was a super slow flow. We were going down to Iowa for a wedding and I knew he would need to get bottles a few times over the weekend, so I went out and bought 2 bottles and 2 preemie nipples to give them a try, and promised myself that if he aspirated while drinking breastmilk from these bottles, I would immediately stop and not try anymore. Well low-and-behold, they worked! When we returned home we continued to nurse and use the Dr. Browns bottles if we ever needed to. I began to feel like maybe things were settling down and we were beginning to fall into a routine.

Then last week he had his 2 month appt. (at 7 weeks, we needed to do it early for insurance purposes), and he weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz....he only gained 5 oz. in 2 weeks! Our pediatrician then requested we do 1 thickened bottle a day as she felt that the thickened feeds stayed down in his tummy better, though he seemed to spit it up just as frequently. Everything seemed to go downhill from there. That night he ran a low-grade fever due to his 5 (!!!!) immunizations. The next few days I started to notice he was spitting up much more in volume and frequency...something just didn't feel right. On Friday we went back to the lactation consultant and did a before-and-after feed weight check, and he took in 3 oz. which was perfect for his current weight. But then he spit up. A ton. He covered the lactation consultant. She began to see what I meant by 'projectile' and that I was not exaggerating his spit-up issues. I mentioned to her that it seemed that his spit up was a bit improved when he took the breastmilk from the bottle. Her suggestion was to pump and bottle feed him, and call the pediatrician that afternoon and let her know about his worsened spit-up. I called and of course our ped. was on vacation. I began to worry, so we got in that early evening with another pediatrician at his clinic.

From Tuesday at his well-child check to the appt. on Friday, he gained 4 oz., which was a perfect weight gain (even though I only did 1 night of a thickened feed). This ped. thought that he might have pyloric stenosis, and wanted him to get an abdominal ultrasound done to see if he had it. She also gave us Zantac to give to him in the mornings along with the Prevacid he was taking in the evenings. I asked if he might have a milk allergy or other food allergy, and she said that if he did, he would have blood in his stool, which he has not. After I had read more about pyloric stenosis, I thought that it sounded a bit worse than what Soren was experiencing, however many of his symptoms seemed to fit the diagnosis. We went this Monday to have his ultrasound done and they have found nothing. Our pediatrician talked with the ped. who ordered the test and they both came to the agreement that they would wait and see how his weight gain is at his next check before they pursue any more testing.

So now we are just waiting. In the meantime I am pumping and feeding him a bottle. This is getting exhausting quickly, as a feed usually takes an hour between both, and then it's only an hour break before he wants to eat again (he likes to eat every 2 hours). I am only able to pump 2 oz. at a session and he likes to eat 3 oz. so it's getting stressful. I've had to give him formula once a day and our freezer supply is quickly dwindling. I usually do compressions while pumping and get a bit more this way. The interesting thing is I pump and pump until I seemingly 'run dry', but then sometimes I'll put him on afterwards and he can pull a lot more out as evidenced by his swallowing sounds.

I will confess that I am really terrible at forcing myself to drink water...any suggestions? Maybe at every pump session I will make myself drink 8 oz. I have also just made a "pump station" right next to my computer in the living room so I don't get so bored. I also just ordered More Milk Special Blend from Amazon. This is supposed to be specially formulated for women with PCOS (like myself), who have a tendency to not grow enough mammary tissue during pregnancy. I'm not sure if I have this issue, as when my milk came in I had a plentiful supply (then quickly dwindled), but I figure it can't hurt. So...if any of you have recommendations for increasing my pumping supply, I would love to hear it!

It's hard watching him continue to spit up so. much. It doesn't seem to bother him though except on occassion when he aspirates from it coming up (yes it can happen, I asked the ped.). He goes through a minimum of 5 outfits a day, I could go through just as much but I've resorted to wearing clothes covered in spit-up unless we're leaving the house. I'm getting really bothered by the constant change in feeding protocol; I feel like once we finally seemed to be developing a routine, it changes. I'm doing my best to be flexible, but it's getting harder. I also feel like once we may have figured out a 'trick' to reduce his amount of spit-up, he throws us for a curve ball...nothing has been consistently working with him, even the special bottles.

I know he'll eventually grow out of this, but it's hard knowing he's not growing well. So many people ask how old he is when we're out in public and they all look shocked when I say "8 weeks", and they respond "Oh wow, he's so tiny". My response is that he was premature, but I know in my heart, not by much. He still wears newborn clothes at 8 weeks, and he is just starting to wear some 0-3 month clothes and he's almost 2 months. As much as I love the little baby stage, I can't help but have some anxiety that he's not growing. He's developing appropriately, his head and length are growing, he seems to be happy, but he's not putting on much weight. And in some irrational ways, I feel it is my fault. I have begun to develop some symptoms of Post-Partum Depression, and am increasing my dose of Zoloft. All of this is hard, but he's so worth it. And continuing to fight the fight with breastfeeding will be worth it too.

1 Month & Medical Updates

So this is about a week late, but life and taking care of a baby happens, so oh well.

I can't believe my little guy is already 1 month old! In some ways it feels like the memories of his birth are slowly fading (I NEED to write his birth story soon!), and at other times, it feels like I just met him for the first time. To say our lives have changed for the better is an understatement. I feel like I tried so long to fill a void in my heart through shopping, eating, web-surfing; now those things have so much less significance in my life now. I feel like my life is complete. Being a mommy has come naturally to me, I feel like I've been doing it my whole life.

At 1 month, Soren has been alternating between receiving breastmilk through nursing and formula bottles thickened with oatmeal cereal. He really seems to have no trouble switching back and forth from breast to bottle, he just likes to eat :-). Because of this crazy schedule and my supply somewhat dropping, I had to pump whenever he received a bottle and also after he nursed to make sure my breasts fully got drained. I have also started to take Fenugreek capsules 3 times a day and smell like maple syrup...not pleasant, but I guess it could be worse. Because Soren is on thickened feeds for half of his feedings, he has been getting really constipated and turns bright red, cries, and tries to push it out but it's only gas...VERY stinky gas might I add! The nurse recommended adding a small amount of pear juice to his bottles twice a day- this did help once, but then it didn't seem to work again. We've also done some rectal stimulation (NOT one of my favorite moments of mothering), but this only worked on one occasion as well. Now we are adding Miralax to his bottle once a day. We visited the lactation consultant this last Friday to have him get a before and after feed weight measurement, and he took 2 oz. from nursing.

When adding the thickened bottles, it brings up so many more issues including needing to pump, prepare the bottle, clean both the bottle and pump parts, and deal with a baby who is hurting from constipation...this has become so much more difficult then just nursing him. Since his lactation appt. on Friday, we have pretty much been exclusively nursing and he received only 1 bottle a day. All of his constipation issues are gone and his reflux doesn't seem to be as bad compared to the thickened bottles. On Friday Soren weighed 7 lbs. 6.9 oz. before the feed. Today at his 1 month pediatrician appt. he weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz., gaining 5 oz. in just 3 days (goal is 1 oz. per day)! This made me feel so much better as a mother, feeling like my body could help my son grow; I struggled emotionally for a while when he wasn't gaining weight. I can't say for certain why the nursing is now helping him gain weight whereas before it was lacking- my guess is that I am doing even more demand feeding with him, sometimes nursing twice in an hour, and also being on the reflux meds. for a bit more time helps the milk to stay down better. It would have been so easy to just say 'screw it' and stop breastfeeding; there were so many reasons it seemed that quitting seemed most logical... but I didn't. I don't know if my supply will continue to be enough for him (I'm only getting at most 2 oz. each pumping session), but I am working hard to try and build it up. After all that we have been through, I have fallen in love with the simplicity of nursing and the bonding my son and I get each session. I love how he puts his hand on my chest when nursing as if he feels it's a safe haven, I also love how he smacks his lips after eating as if to say "mmm, this is good stuff!". I really do love nursing now, even though it was a tough couple of weeks.

As far as sleeping goes, he's starting to develop a normal pattern. He wakes to eat at the 11ish hour, 3ish hour, 7ish hour, and again at the 11am hour. It would be nice to cut out that 3am feed, but Soren's weight-gain and protecting my milk supply is of utmost importance right now. From 11pm-3am Soren sleeps in his Rock n' Play sleeper next to our bed. After the 3am feed I have a hard time getting him to fall asleep in it, he will often make lots of noises and is kinda loud. After the 3am feed I usually then just have him sleep next to me nustled up on my arm. We both sleep soundly doing this and I have no concern about his safety-it would be nearly impossible for me to roll over on top of him. I know there are alot of nay-sayers about co-sleeping out there, but this works for us and I feel like it is also helping to build a sense of security for my son. I don't know what our plan is for transitioning him to his crib in his room, but honestly I'm in no hurry. Maybe once he sleeps through the night, but we'll see. He won't be sleeping with mama forever, no worries ;-). Soren's daytime sleeping and eating routine still varies day-to-day.

Soren is still currently wearing newborn size clothing. Some of his sleepers might be getting a tad bit short, but everything else still fits great. We have some newborn shoes and they are still gigantic on him, they look like clown shoes.

Over this last month I have really figured out Soren's grunts/noises/cries and what he might need. He really does not cry much, only if he's constipated or doesn't get his paci or food in a timely manner. He LOVES his paci! He also seems to sleep better if we swaddle him, especially with the Aden & Anais muslin swaddle blanket...we LOVE that blankie! He seems to tolerate the swing but doesn't like it as much as I had hoped...I think it's too stimulating for him so it wakes him up rather than puts him to sleep. He loves being held by mommy, I seem to have the special touch... or food ;-). He also seems to do really well in his carseat and car rides, which is relieving.

Soren is getting much stronger and better head control. I think because he's nursing and pulls off, I often make him try to get back on without much assistance, so he's using alot of muscles to do so. He is now starting to focus more on objects, and I love when he is able to focus on me when I talk to him. He still crosses his eyes (funniest thing ever) and looks all around. He initially hated tummy time but now doesn't seem to mind it as much. If you put him upright on your chest, he will lift his head up and try to (wobbly) turn his head. He's also still trying to coordinate getting his fingers in his mouth, a couple times he gets his thumb in there, other times it's his fist or two fingers. If you don't get his paci to him quickly, he starts trying to suck on his hand but gets frustrated and even more mad.

As far as Soren's reflux and aspiration go, they both seemed to be doing better. It's been about 2 weeks since he aspirated while nursing, but still occasionally aspirates when he's spitting up. He still spits up a ton, sometimes projectile. I don't hear as much gurgling as before and he doesn't seem to be in pain. Most times he spits up, it also comes out his nose and this bothers him. Because of the reflux and aspiration issues, he is at high risk for colds, ear infections, and RSV. His pediatrician is currently working with filling out paperwork to get him qualified for the RSV vaccine. If he qualifies (which most likely he will), the company will come out to our house once a month and administer the vaccine to him for the 5 months of RSV season. We got a big lecture today at his 1 month appt. about how important it will be to protect him from getting colds. She wants us to keep him away from children and also be mindful of letting others hold him who regularly come into contact with children. Daycare is a big no-no if we can at all avoid it, luckily putting him in daycare wasn't in our plans. She even said if we're out in public and we walk past children to try and shield him, as sneezes can pass germs 10 feet away... looks like we'll be using the Moby and Baby Bjorn alot this Winter! I don't find it difficult to 'share' him with others, but hearing how crucial protecting him is, makes me nervous for others to hold him and to take him out in public now. I just don't want my baby to get sick and end up in the hospital :-(. Good thing is, we're breastfeeding so hopefully that will help protect him at least a little bit. It's going to be hard for me to say 'no' when others ask to hold him, but it looks like Mother Bear needs to come out of her den.

Well, I think that's about all I can think of for his 1 month update. Here's some pictures:




See what I mean about the paci...




Ahhhh...much better.


More pics:




Where's those fingers?

There they are


Soren's 'safe haven'