I try hard not to write about my sadness with infertility or personal matters on this blog, as this is about Soren's adventures. However, Soren and I are a family, and as such, the plan to expand our family very much becomes a part of his life and story also.
Today my heart hurts. Infertility is a scar that will never fully heal, even with the cutest most lovable little boy. The idea of bringing a sibling into our family has been on my mind often lately, and with that comes hurt. Infertility was an uphill battle in creating our family, now we have infertility AND a pending divorce. As I watch friends become pregnant with #2, friends that were pregnant when I was also pregant with Soren, I am reminded (almost daily) that this choice was yet again taken away from me. IF I had choice, I likely would have waited until Soren was 4 or so to have another, and I still do very much want that. The reality of this is slim-to-none. Today I am facing the reality that I may very well never have more children...this is a very hard pill to swallow.
Soren is so so amazing with babies. A family in our ECFE class recently had a baby and she comes into our class every week. Soren is drawn like a magent to her, wanting to kiss and hug her. He is a very lovable huggy kid (he probably gets that from his momma ;-), and has already developed great empathy towards others. I know that he would make a fantastic big brother, and I would love dearly to make that happen.
God knows our family's story. He has our best interest at heart, I know that from my little miracle son. I will continue to try to walk in Faith, and pray that God can carry me during the times I fall short.
