Thoughts on #2

No worries, take a deep breath, we're NOT pregnant with #2, nor will we be anytime soon. I have wanted to write this post for awhile, it's been on my heart alot lately. As I'm sure most of my readers know, I experienced infertility and went through 2 years of treatments to have Soren. Having Soren was the best thing that ever happened to me, he helped heal my heart of some of the struggles and emotional toll infertility treatments took on me. I wish I could say my heart is completely healed. It's not. Every milestone Soren makes, I wonder if it will be the first and only time I get to experience it as a mother. I try to relish everything with Soren, for fear of not knowing if and when we'll ever get the chance to try for another.

We were in a very fortunate place of having infertility insurance coverage when we began trying for Soren. Each cycle that we did would have cost $2000-$2500 per cycle (1 month), and that's on the low end of infertility treatments! We still paid about $800 out of pocket each month for drugs and co-pays. Infertility coverage is GOLDEN if you've been dealt the infertility hand. Most people don't have it, it's a very rare thing. Currently with my new job, I do NOT have infertility coverage, and I also do not have maternity leave coverage, but could by next year if I opt into the short-term disability coverage.

We are so NOT in a place to be trying for another at this time due to my husband being laid off in a month here (did I mention that yet?!?), and living in a 2 bedroom apartment. There's so many things that need to happen for me to feel ready for #2...house, money saved for treatment, maternity leave coverage, oh and losing about 60 lbs. I want a VERY different birth experience for #2. I know it's no guarantee that losing weight will eliminate my chances of developing preeclampsia again, but I want to try for a non-medicated VBAC, potentially in a birth center. To do that, I will need to lose a lot of weight and begin eating much healthier. So many things feel so far out of reach right now, and knowing that time is of the essence is difficult to bear. I can't just 'decide' to have another, it could take many years for it to happen.

So for now, I'm left wondering and dreaming, but also trying to cherish each and every moment with Soren, not knowing if it will be our family's last firsts.

7 months!

Eating: Soren continues to do well with eating solids. We currently rotate peas, green beans, yams, butternut squash, carrots, apples, bananas, and avocados. He now eats after his second nap in the afternoon. He's wanting to eat around 2 oz. of food and 2 oz. of oatmeal cereal now, and I'm noticing he's wanting bottles less frequently. My guess is that he's taking in between 20-25 oz. in bottles a day. He's taking in Breastmilk and Formula about 50/50. He does still nurse at night, so he's getting more then too. We have also started giving him some teething biscuits and Gerber 'puffs' and Baby Mum-Mums...he likes the Earth's Best organic wheat teething biscuits the most.

Sleeping: Just when I think his sleep is starting to regulate, it changes again. However, on our *good* nights, he sleeps from 8pm-4ish, then is up either once or twice after that. He is starting to regularly get an 8-hour stretch at night, which is nice. We are definitely seeing some improvements. He usually gets a bottle/nurses before naps, then we put him down in his crib in a tired state, and he can put himself to sleep. If we try to rock him to sleep, he fights it, so we're just laying him down in his crib now. I've found that if I lay him on his side, and place my hands on his front and back, it helps him to relax and get sleepy... I think it's our new 'trick'. If he wakes up before 3am, I will put his paci back in his mouth, but I will not nurse him. At his 4ish awake time, I do nurse him, thought it's only for about 3-5 mins. before he falls back asleep. His naps still only last for 45 mins., but I think that's just how he is.

Development: Soren sits like a rock-star, is even beginning to go from a sitting position down onto his tummy! He also barrel rolls now and can make some distance. Just the other day I found him very close to putting a pen cap into his mouth...gahhh we need to baby proof! Soren's fine motor is continuing to develop well, he's working on his pincer grasp right now, but I imagine it might be a little bit before he masters this skill. Soren continues to be a very social baby, and we really haven't had any stranger anxiety yet. I work hard on taking him many different places and allowing others to hold him often, so I think this has helped. He loves smiling, giggling, and 'jumping' when you hold him. He also is becoming quite the squirmer during diaper changes. He's a very busy little guy! Soren still does not have any teeth, but during his aspirating test, xrays showed 8 teeth near the surface...I think we're in for some big trouble here soon! Soren has also moved up to a convertible car seat, and I think he much prefers this as he can see more around him. It doesn't look as comfortable to sleep in, but he's managing.

Likes: Soren loves playing 'tickle time', and really any kind of one-on-one interactions. His favorite toy is probably a set of plastic toy 'keys'. Soren loves food, pretty much any kind of food you give him. Soren loves being active, rolling, jumping, 'flying' (laying on his stomach and putting his arms out and his legs up off ground), and bath time. Soren also likes stuffed animals and tries to eat them. He LOVES playing with his feet and also tries to eat them ;-). Soren wakes up so happy and we can hear him cooing and squealing, and when we go get him out of his crib he gives us the BIGGEST smile ever, melts.my.heart!

Dislikes: Getting his diaper changed (there's too much to look at and do!), getting strapped into his car seat, and stopping in the middle of a feeding. He is a great baby, there's not much that bothers him.

Medical update: Soren had a re-check for his aspiration and reflux this week...it was pretty traumatic for both of us. The first test he was put in a car seat type thing, then they fed him a barium solution and took x-rays while he was swallowing to check to see if it was going down his airways... Soren didn't like the taste of the barium and wouldn't drink it so results were inconclusive on that. The second test they had to strap him a board and put a tube down his nose, then put barium down the tube to check his upper anatomy and reflux. The test showed no reflux, however after the test, he spit up a ton, which the tech. responded 'well there's the reflux we were looking for'. So yeah...probably still has it. He is growing normally now and *knock on wood* has not gotten sick, so we are very thankful of that! The plan is to keep him on his Prevacid solu-tabs and Pulmicort nebulizer until the Summer once cold season has gone away. (Side note: Apparently the makers of the generic Prevacid solu-tabs are discontinuing production, so the only option for solu-tabs are the actual Prevacid. Target stores are having difficulty keeping them in stock, but we were able to get ours at Wal-mart).

So Apparently...

So apparently Soren was supposed to be re-tested with a swallow study for his aspiration and reflux at 4 weeks and 12 weeks after his first test that diagnosed it....oh about 6 months ago! The hospital should have called me to schedule and never did, and I wasn't aware that they were supposed to do that, and the pediatrician didn't suggest it either. So how did I find out about this? Soren's dissolvable tables of Prevacid were up for a refill and our Target pharmacy was out of them...apparently there's a large shortage of them right now. I suggested they contact the pediatrician to see if he could switch to the liquid. Prior to now, the pediatrician didn't want him on the liquid due to the probability that he would aspirate it. Well apparently our pediatrician still does not want to switch him to the liquid. The nurse called this evening to suggest we go to Wal-mart or Cub which has better luck having the solu-tabs in stock; I inquired about if he still had aspirations and she was shocked that we hadn't had a follow-up! She looked at the initial results and recommendations that were faxed to our doctor, but no one followed up on it and we weren't told that he needed to be re-tested. Grrrr. So I will be hearing back from Children's Hospital on Monday with his next swallow study date, and in the meantime on a hunt for some drugs. Side note: I have wondered in the past couple of days if he is still indeed aspirating; he's been choking on his bottles and breastfeeding often lately, and I'm unsure if it's aspiration or something else. It will be good to find out.