Dear Soren

Dear Soren,
One day when you are growing into a fine young man, you will read this blog of yours and learn about all the cool things that you and mommy and daddy did as you grew up. As you begin reading this, you will notice that most of what mommy writes about are fun and happy things. But the truth is, there's lots that mommy hasn't shared that she thinks it would be important for you to know. You see, mommy and daddy are very brave people. As we tried hard to bring you into our lives, we also experienced much sadness and animosity that made living life to the fullest a challenge. When you came into our lives, we were ecstatic, but we also had deep down hurts and sadness with which we had difficulty letting go. As time went on, mommy and daddy were stuck in their own sadness and grief that they were unable to care and support each other the way the other needed. Mommy and daddy grew apart and didn't recognize it. When you came into this world, mommy and daddy had one common thread holding them together, one that was so strong and so beautiful, and that thread is you, my love.

Mommy and daddy struggled to continue to embrace each others' differences and eventually became very angry with one another...mostly they were angry because they felt a deep down hurt and sadness that many times they did not recognize. As time grew nearer to your first birthday, mommy and daddy stood at a crossroad; either they would choose to live lives separately while continuing to equally love and raise you, or they would tackle their deep down hurts and seek out help from others. Mommy and daddy knew that working through some really difficult stuff would be worth it if it meant we could stay together as a family. Mommy and daddy started seeing a therapist together to discuss their deep hurts and frustrations. They learned about how their lives, families, and culture all play into how they work through their conflicts.

Mommy and Daddy learned that although there are many great things about being Scandinavian, there are also some things we need to work on. We learned that Scandinavians tend not discuss their feelings with others and often avoid conflict by means of stubborn silent treatment, which hopefully by the time you are able to read this will sound silly to you. By avoiding our conflict, we increasingly become angry and hurt towards each other and begin to have poor communication where we become defensive and do not genuinely listen to each others' experiences. Mommy knows that looking back on both her and daddy's families that these Scandinavian traits have greatly impacted our family negatively and decided she wanted something different for you. Mommy and daddy were brave because although going through therapy was emotional and draining, little by little they grew in love again and gained greater respect for one another.

Mommy and daddy know that marriage is not easy, many days one or both may want out, but that marriage and family is also worth fighting for. We hope that through our hard work and bravery, you will learn how to love deeply, listen intently, and understand the importance of openly and genuinely communicating your feelings and experiences. We love you so much, and you are worth far more than any trial or tribulation we have had and will continue to endure.