I'm finally here, I'm finally writing this. I have been putting off writing this for so long not because I haven't had time, but because thinking about Soren's birth experience brings sadness and grief and loss for me. Before I share about the week that surrounded his birth, there are a few things I should mention. #1- Soren and I ended up being safe, which was and always will be our number 1 priority. #2- Although my experience took place at a Twin Cities hospital and my experience wasn't great, that doesn't mean it is reflective of the L&D ward of the hospital as a whole. #3- Sharing our birth story is very personal and by taking a risk in sharing it, I hope others who find themselves in similar situations will not feel alone. So, with that being said, let's begin...
Throughout my pregnancy I was termed "high-risk" due to my pre-existing high blood pressure and having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. My pregnancy really went off without any gliches until the last month or so. I always prepared myself that I would have a good chance of developing pre-eclampsia. I knew there would be a risk of me needing a c-section. But considering things were going well, I prepared and hoped that I could attempt a natural childbirth. I read books, online forums, watched videos, all to prepare my mind and build up my confidence in being able to birth naturally. Brian and I bought massage balls, packed rice bags and heating pads, even downloaded hypnobabies tracks. We made it clear to our OB that we wanted me to be able to be up and moving during labor and use the tub; she was very supportive of this IF my blood pressure would be under control. I hoped and prayed that I could have the birth experience that I wanted, but I also prepared myself that there was a good chance it wouldn't be able to happen and I was going to be okay if it didn't, so long as him and I made it through safely. I knew one thing was for certain, however....I did NOT want a c-section. I was going to do anything and everything I possibly could to avoid having one. I feared how much it would impact the attachment process between Soren and I.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I was being monitored more closely due to my blood pressure creeping up and protein starting to spill into my urine (indicative of pre-eclampsia). My blood pressure meds. were increased during pregnancy to try to stabilize my blood pressure. I visited L&D triage a few times due to my high blood pressure, but every time I went in, my blood pressure ended up checking out fine and I was sent home. At 34 weeks, my OB and I had a discussion about really just needing to make it to 36 weeks as he would be much healthier. At 35 weeks we discussed possibly starting to prepare my cervix for an induction the following week; we both agreed that it would be better to get him out sooner after 36 weeks then waiting for my blood pressure to sky-rocket causing a more emergency delivery situation. One day short of 36 weeks I went to my OB appt. and my blood pressure was getting higher and my protein had elevated to +2. Although delivery was not imminent by any means, it was time to start softening my cervix...or so I thought. After that appointment she sent us home to pack up our bags and wanted us to check into the hospital early that evening as she would be on-call that night and we could start doing cervidil suppository treatments. The problem with doing inductions earlier are that the cervix is still quite tough so starting Pitocin would do virtually nothing to change my cervix, therefore it was important to soften it first. That afternoon I went to acupuncture and we worked on alot of points that would help start labor. We called Brian's parents from Iowa and told them they better come up tomorrow because it would look like I would be having the baby that weekend some time.
When we arrived at the hospital, they did some labs and such before starting the cervidil. Low-and-behold all my labs came back perfect (even though they weren't perfect earlier that day), and my blood pressure was perfect also. My OB came in and we were faced with a dilemma. Because everything looked great, it wasn't in Soren's best interest to start working on an induction because the longer we could hold off, the better for him. I expressed my concern about waiting until my blood pressure did get bad then I would need to lay on my left side and would need much more meds. which isn't what I wanted. My OB really understood my point-of-view, but she consulted with all the other OBs in the practice and they all said to hold me off. So, we were sent home and I was back on bedrest. She wanted me to come in 3 days later (Sunday) to do a cervical gel, and then I should plan on going back into the hospital that following Thursday to start induction.
So Sunday I went in for the gel treatment, then was sent home with a warning that I may have some mild contractions. I had done alot of reading about the cervical treatments and many women had said that those alone jumpstarted labor so they didn't end up needing pitocin...I was wishing and hoping that I would be one of them! That late evening on Sunday I began to develop some contractions and got very excited. All that I had read about childbirth was to start moving to help labor progress. I started walking, doing some squats, took a bath, and my contractions picked up to happening every 3 minutes and last for approximately 1 minute. I called to have my mom come over to walk with me while hubby was at work. Hubby got home around 11:30pm and continued to walk with me. I noticed my contractions started picking up more and they were getting stronger. I decided to call L&D and see if they wanted me to come in. We went into the hospital triage and I got hooked up to the monitors and it appeared that I was having 'contractions' but that they were not changing my cervix at all and were only merely side-effects of the prostaglandin gel I received earlier that evening. When I told them I had been up moving around and working with my contractions, I was scolded as I was supposed to be on bed rest. It didn't really occur to me that I should stay on bedrest if I went into labor...all I knew, and all I had read, was that I should start moving around to help progress labor naturally.
Unfortunately, because I had been doing a bit of walking and such that evening, when they checked my blood pressure it was high... I believe 180s/90s. They put a call into the on-call OB from my clinic, and they decided to admit me and start doing more cervical treatments rather than wait until later that week. They also told me because of my high blood pressure, I was going to have to receive continuous magnesium sulfate through an IV to prevent seizures from the high blood pressure. I had heard scary stuff about "Mag" and I began to panic. I took some deep breaths and knew that I could get through that. They got me started and I was worried I might get the burning sensation many had talked about with it, but I luckily didn't. Whew. I told myself, I could handle it.That morning at 6am they placed a 12-hour Cervidil suppository to start 'ripening' my cervix. That whole day (Monday) I was tolerating the Mag pretty well. In fact, all the nurses were astonished at how well both Soren and I were doing on it, they had NEVER seen a patient or a baby react so well to it. Apparently Soren and I were known as the "Mag rockstars" among all the L&D nurses.
(Apparently not a typical "Mag" patient)That evening at 6pm, they pulled out the Cervidil and checked my cervix and there had been no. change. I was getting really disappointed in how slow the process was going. The nurses and doctors kept saying it could take days to try and get my cervix ready to start Pitocin. I was getting very discouraged but kept moving forward knowing that at the end of all of it, I would hold my precious little miracle. They placed another 12-hour Cervidil and continued me on the Mag. They also told me I could no longer have anything by mouth, not even anything to drink. If my mouth got dry, I had to suck on a damp rag and spit any water out. I knew I was beginning on a slippery-slope downhill. My blood pressure was automatically getting checked every 15 minutes, and it hurt like heck since it had to pump up so high to get my high reading. I began telling myself, "if this could take days, there's no way I can go without eating anything, I'll have no strength". That evening and night the Mag was really starting to hit me. I couldn't look at the clock and read it. I felt so dazed, out-of-it, unaware. My stomach was in knots from being hungry. And they had me on an insane amount of IV fluids so I was up peeing every half-hour. While Brian was sleeping I was awake, and feeling my confidence and energy wearing thin. I began to tell myself that if I needed a c-section, I would be okay with it. I didn't know how I could possibly go into a Pitocin-induction feeling as ill as I was. The battle hadn't even begun and I was spent. At 6am they removed the Cervidil, checked my cervix, and there was still not a single. change. I was so done by that point. I knew that I needed to start to push to have a c-section and get it over with. I forgot to mention that since that Sunday evening when I went in, my BP progressively got worse. They kept giving me high-powered IV meds. to try and lower it, and by Tuesday morning, it was taking 3-4 doses at a time to get it down to a reasonable level. And every time it got high, I could have BP readings every 5 minutes. I had major bruises on my arms from how tight the cuff was getting.
Tuesday morning, I was sicker than a dog. I was extremely nauseous, shaky, and had a migraine from my high blood pressure. After the 6am Cervidil pull, the nurse said the OB would be in during morning rounds with a game plan of what they were going to try next to soften my cervix. Around 7am I started having uncontrollable shakes, pretty severe actually. I asked the nurse if she could help me go to the bathroom, and she hesitated, then leaned down and whispered to me that she couldn't let me get up as she was afraid I was going to have a seizure. I didn't know this at the time, but at that point my blood pressure was 220s/150s...dangerously high. I remember telling her "I think I need a c-section" in between full-body shakes. She responded, "Yes dear, I think you're going to need a c-section". Relief. Finally. She was an amazing nurse. While we waited for the on-call Dr. to get out of surgery to come talk to me during rounds, the nurse got the catheter in , had me sign a bunch of paperwork, and got everything ready so I could get into the surgical room when the Dr. was ready.
(I was as sick as I looked in this picture)I remember time going super slowly, and I kept asking/begging for the dr. to come in. I knew by the way I was feeling that getting this baby out was becoming imminent. After what seemed like an eternity, she came down around 9am, and before I even let her speak, I said "I need a c-section". I think she was taken aback by that and replied "Well, let's hold on here, you have some options that I need to explain to you". I wasn't having it one. bit. As she was explaining our "options" I just kept thinking "shut up lady, we need to deliver this baby NOW" as I was continuing to shake uncontrollably. She said we could continue to try cervidil treatments, or we could start a new pill called "Cytotec". She even mentioned sending me. home. I mean, c'mon, seriously?!? She said continuing to prepare my cervix would take a couple of days. I tried to act like I was giving her options consideration, but by that point, there was no. way. in. HELL I was going to wait days to deliver this baby. After she got done talking, she looked at me and said, "Well, yeah, I think we'll do a c-section". THEN she started explaining the different incisions, and risks with both, and what I could expect, blah-di-blah-di-blah. The nurse asked what time she was available to do the c-section (my heart broke thinking about having to wait hours before surgery). She said there was no time that was going to be best for her, so we might as well do it then since the OR was open. After she left, I drank a NASTY substance to settle my stomach (seriously, there's no comparison to describing how nasty that was), but I didn't even care, I was in survival mode at that point. The "A-team" (aka anesthesiologist and team) came in and talked to me, read my chart, then I was whisked away.
(Right before I went in the OR)To be continued...
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