To Feel So Much Deeper

Today I was jolted into eyes full of tears. I was just going about my day, checking new blog posts, and I headed over to MissConception's blog as I saw she had a new post. As I read her blog post my heart sank. My eyes filled with tears. She just lost her twins at 20 weeks gestation. And I can't stop thinking, and my heart won't stop hurting.

I've always been an emotional one, being touched by so many things. Before Soren came into our lives, I heard these stories and I felt terrible. But since having a child of my own, I literally feel the hurt in my innermost being... this is "limbic resonance" at its finest.

Stories of infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, child loss, child illness, parental illness, all cut deep in me now. I am also so fearful of anything happening to Soren, Brian, or I. Just yesterday Soren and I were out running errands, and as I made a left turn on a green light, my wheels began to spin due to the rain; I was about 6 inches away from getting t-boned in a serious accident. My heart raced and as I pulled into the parking lot, I began to get teary. I very well could have lost mine and/or my son's life just 1 minute earlier.

And on the other hand, I feel so much more joy and happiness since Soren has come into our lives. I don't think I've ever smiled this many hours in a day before Soren. To see him smile, well, it's honestly the best thing in the world. I've been happy, but never this genuinely happy in my innermost being.

They say having a child is like having your heart walk outside your body; I would have to agree. If you have a minute (we all have a minute, right?), please head over to MissConception's blog and show her some support. It is through this amazing blog community and Christ, that we get through these unspeakable tragedies.