Game-Changer

Before I became a parent, being a social worker was tough, but manageable. I enjoyed working with people and supporting them as they worked so hard to overcome so many barriers to reaching their goals. I heard terrible stories of events clients had to endure, and my heart hurt for them. But most days I was able to 'leave work at work'. I never once forgot about their stories, but I was able to turn off my brain and my hurt for them at the end of the day.

Since becoming a parent and recently starting my new position, I have come to realize that 'leaving work at work' is so much more difficult. The setting in which I work now is an inpatient child and adolescent psych. hospital, which is much more difficult in nature. But what I've noticed most is my heart hurting for both the children and parents. It's so hard for me to imagine having my kiddo brought to a psych. facility for an indefinite amount of time and not being able to hug or kiss them or tell them I love them whenever I would like to. It breaks my heart to even think about Soren being in such a dark place that he would want to hurt himself. I wish I could say that I could protect him from mental illness, but we all know that biology is biology, and that there is only so much nurturing I could do. It breaks my heart to see him smile and giggle and think about how these kids could have smiled and laughed as babies as Soren does now. To think about or see a child in a restraint or a seclusion room breaks my heart, knowing that they are someone's child.

Working on an inpatient psychiatric unit has definitely been a learning experience. One that leaves me questioning my ability to handle this nature of work. I can't say much, but a staff member was choked this weekend, and it was completely unprovoked. It took six staff members to get the patient off of the staff member, and the patient threatened to kill the staff person once they got out of the facility. This is not a single occurrence, this is happening often. Tonight I can't shake the thought wondering if that staff person would have been me. I am definitely being affected by hearing of the incident and I fear for my safety every time I step on the unit. Every time I step on the unit, I think of Soren. I'm just not sure this is where I'm supposed to be.